Monday, March 23, 2009
I Sometimes Hate My Gender. Seriously.
Anyways, he sent me a message on facebook today pointing out another blog that he came across asking for my opinion. Here's the link:
http://www.girlsguyde.blogspot.com/
He pretty much asked for my opinion on the content of the blog: was it a blog that empowered chicks or made them look like idiots? After reading about 3 sentences, I wanted to punch someone.
Now, I am no sports expert. I could never do sports Jeopardy, nor would I be able to really hold my own in the NFL version of Trivial Persuit. However, I do know something: what not to just come out and say. This blog is doing one thing and one thing only--they are making fun of women....or they are at least doing their best to prove to the world how stupid women really are when it comes to sports.
Honestly, could a blog be more offensive? At first glance you think "Oh, that's nice, these girls are trying to DUMB down sports so the mere housewives of America know who Joe Montana is. I dig that, whatever"....but upon further review, I want to choke them and their probable-skinny selves and their probable-blond haired heads. I will outline breifly with three main points as to why these women make me hate my gender.
1. "Anyway, for the most part, the hot guys and even the not-so-hot guys, will be talking about all the highlights and anything noteworthy or weird that happened, so we have decided to dissect two ESPN recap articles. Now, I know ESPN articles can be intimidating, but have no fear, we've marked them up and explained the weirder, sports-geekier things mentioned in each so you can now participate in the water cooler conversations with all of your hot co-workers. And that's the whole point anyway, right?"
Are you stupid? Actually, cancel the question and make it a statement: YOU ARE STUPID. The point of loving sports and understanding sports is JUST THAT: Understanding them and loving them. I have never EVER in my existence wanted to know about highlights so that I could score with some hot guy at the water cooler. How desperate are you and how desperate do you think every woman on the planet is? Find yourselves a delorean equipped with time circuits, and join us in 2009. Newsflash: WOMEN CAN VOTE, TOO!
Somewhat frustrated, but still trying to be open, I scroll down to see their opinions on trash talking, which brings me to my second point:
2. "Being a pro-active trash talker is going to be a little tricky if you don't know much about the teams. But it also provides you the perfect opportunity to talk (okay, flirt) with that new guy you've been eyeing."
Oh. my. god. Get yourselves to the closest pharmacy. Find out if they sell cyanide by the tablets and just take the whole bottle. Chase it with any kind of 80 proof liquor you may have. Please. Trash talking is not a way for sheepish, stupid women to flirt with guys and get a date. IT'S TO TALK TRASH BECAUSE WE KNOW WHAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT. Good lord. Women have brains and YOU are the reason why so many men make jokes about women only being allowed to be in the kitchen. Scratch that, it should apply to you.
So, now I'm somewhat annoyed but I keep reading. Maybe they do a couple girlish articles but then actually redeem themselves. Oh no. Reason 3 why they fail at life: Explaining the members on a basketball team: BY COMPARING THE POSITIONS TO MEMBERS OF BOY BANDS. Just a sample:
3. "There are 5 guys on the court at any one time and you know what else always has 5 guys? Boy Bands. That's right, boy bands. In any given good boy band, there are 5 guys on the stage. I say good so no one gets on me about 98 degrees, etc. Not that I have anything against them either, however, Nsync, Backstreet Boys and New Kids on the Block fit this analogy a little bit better."
I can't take it any more. I am at only the third post, and I have already come up with three reasons why these women should have their uteruses (uteri? whatever) removed in hopes to not pass on the ignorant moron genes to any one else. I'm so humiliated.
THIS is why no one takes a person with ovaries seriously when it comes to sports. Now I fully understand why I get weird looks when I tell people that I have tons of jerseys but not many pairs of shoes. Why I get eye-rolls when I say I like green, navy blue, silver and red more than pink and yellow. Why a guy will order me a fruity drink rather than a beer at a sports bar. Why I REFUSE to own any sports gear that isn't team colors and/or throwback.
I am trying so hard to not send these useless double-X'd chromosomed humans hate mail. Oh, and seriously, they need to change their biography to "We are dumb ho-bags who like making fun of our own gender and their obvious inability to talk about anything other than shoes, gum and flirting with boys. Cuz, liiiike, that's the REAL real reason why we "like" sports! Tee hee hee hee LOL! I hope Justin Timberlake's new video comes out soon! Tee hee hee!!"
I sometimes hate my gender. Seriously.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Steelers v. Cardinals in the Super Bowl: Who Cares?
Yesterday, I got a phone call from my mom telling me about the crazy-fun weekend that she, my dad and my sister had with some relatives that came up to Maine for the weekend from Florida. Maine got a huge snow storm, so everyone from FL was VERY excited, to say the least. Well, she was telling me about how they went cross country skiing, driving the car on the frozen lake (which, I found out, at 18 inches thick, can hold up to 10,000 pounds in one spot. thanks, dad), and other random fun winter stuff. Then suddenly, she says, "By the way....Steelers v. Cardinals? Who cares? Did Arizona fans even know their state had a team last year? Honestly, this might be the worst Super Bowl in the history of the NFL". To which, I quickly reminded her that Tampa Bay v. Oakland was pretty abysmal, but she has a point. She then made her usual comment of "How is Arizona even allowed there? They were 9-7 and WON their division, and New England beat them 47-7!!!". Her voice gets a bit louder now when she not only says the final record of a team (especially if it's worse than New England's was) but also when she says 47-7.
I think this is an interesting question, though. Who does care? We have an old guy (Edge) v. a guy who hasn't cut his hair since Reagan was in office (Polama-what a doucher). We have a QB who likes to smash his face into trucks without wearing a helmet v. a bunch of "who the heck is that?"'s. The only famous Cardinal that pretty much anyone knows is Cuba Gooding Jr. from "Jerry MaGuire", and even he wasn't all that great as a WR. I mean, it took how long for him to get a contract??? Plus, he almost died at the end and thought "show me the money" was the best catch phrase ever. More like, "For the love of god, how does Arizona have any money to even have a team?". That's a good catch phrase.
Honestly, though, I see this Super Bowl going one of two ways: It's going to be so boring that I will actually want to see Lifehouse and Rihanna perform at the half-time show...or, I'm going to come up with some genius way to make the time pass, like random bets on how long it takes Kurt Warner to need a cane.
In addition, I have heard a rumor that there are "fun" bets in Vegas about this, because no one is actually going to pay attention to the game itself. I read somewhere that people are putting bets on the halftime show, giving odds for how likely it is that Bruce Springsteen will pull Courtney Cox up on stage at some point. That's a serious low for Vegas betting (20 bucks on no). And what is with this 1 second commercial rumor that I've heard about Miller High Life? What's it going to be, the logo with "So Crappy, only rednecks and college kids will drink!"?
Though, I guess we can all look forward to getting together with friends, wings, beer, a hopeful wardrobe malfunction and Ben Roethlisberger getting his head ripped off by an Arizona D-player. Not surprising that I can't name anyone, because who plays for them anyways?
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
This is Brilliant Editing. Just Genius.
GENIUS.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Fun Stuff I Couldn't Address with Sheffield
Anyways, I saw this picture on a site I visit frequently, and it's the first funny thing of the day:

hahahahahahahhaha!! This is hilarious because 1. it references National Lampoon's Vacation, and 2. it's just funny.
Secondly, I need to do a quick follow-up on the entry I had about Chad Ocho Cinco and his horrendous decision to legally change his last name. My mother asked me if it'd be totally cool for her to change her last name to Cinco Cinco, because she is a fan of Junior Seau. No mom, because then I'd have to do an entry about you and how I'm embarrassed. Actually, cancel that, in the world of sports, my mom can do whatever and she'd still be cool.
According to many news sources and sports experts, it has been determined that Chad Ocho Cinco will have to play the 2008 season with "JOHNSON" on his jersey. At first, I thought that the NFL was doing this just to stick it to the guy, but upon further review, it's because of all the jerseys that have been made with "JOHNSON" on the back. Apparently, the Cincinnati wide receiver (who is doing crap this year, so glad I drafted him in two fantasy leagues....useless) would have to purchase every single "JOHNSON" jersey in order for them to make Ocho Cinco jerseys. Now, while COC is pretty rich, it would run him about 1/2 a million dollars to do it. Sorry buddy, looks like you're stuck with a shirt that doesn't repeat itself for one more season.
And finally, just for fun, I'm posting this in honor of my sister. I'm going up to MA this weekend to sleep at her house (YAY!) and to see New Kids on the Block in concert with her, my mom, and my aunt. I can tell you're probably jealous.
What a hottie:

Until next time!
Gary Sheffield Loses More Points with Me; If That's Even Possible
Because of the fight, Carmona has been penalized by being suspended six games, while Sheffield gets four. In addition, Cleveland catcher Victor Martinez and infielder Astrubal Cabrera were each given a three-game suspension, as well as a fine, which was not disclosed.
Okay, that's fine...not a huge deal. If you're a grown man and you get in a fight, just deal with the consequences and move on. Hey, at least you're not going to jail for assault or anything like that. I agree with MLB's decision to punish these guys, but at least there's no harm done in terms of injuries.
But then, as I read further and investigated, Sheffield reminded me why I generally hate anything that has ever had to do with the Yankees. According to ESPN, when asked about the punishment for the fighting, he was quoted as saying:
"I don't care about what the league thinks or what they do," he [Sheffield] said. "I've got enough money to pay any fine they've got. Trust me."
I'm sorry, but WHAT?!?!? Are you serious?!?! How much of a jerk do you have to be to literally come out and say, on the record, that you really don't care what MLB does because you're so damn rich you can pay anything they make you pay? Really? Oh my gosh. That's it, I no longer hate Clemens the most when it comes to baseball, Sheffield just won that one. Oh, but it gets so much better. He then further goes on to explain how much of a good guy he is and how much he respects other players:
A day after the brawl, Sheffield seemed particularly peeved at Martinez, who pointed at the Tigers veteran as he was being pulled from the pile.
"He hasn't done anything in this game," Sheffield said then. "He's had a couple of [good] years. When you have a catcher chirping like he's something special ... like he's done something. He hasn't done anything."
Wow, Gary, you sure are one heck of an awesome guy.
I understand that it has to be tough and somewhat bruising to a guy's ego when he is collectively bitch-slapped not only in a bench-clearing brawl, but also what results from that...but give me a break. This kind of attitude should not be tolerated whatsoever in my opinion. You want to be cocky, you want to think you're god's gift to the world of sports, that's fine. But keep the comments that make you a blatant moron to yourself. It's incidents like this that make me unable to understand why this guy has been passed around the league more times than Paris Hilton at the Play Boy mansion.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
That's It, I'm Changing My Last Name to Quatro-Uno
Of course, other than the obvious being: A LOT.Let's review just a second. On August 29, 2008, Chad Johnson legally changed his last name to Ocho Cinco. That's right, friends, he actually now has 85 as his last name. While I think CJ's (sorry COC's) antics are amusing and somewhat hilarious, when does it stop? We get it. You're proud to wear #85. En Espagnol, that WOULD be "Ocho-Cinco". Your last name is JOHNSON.
You don't see Tom Brady demanding that his last name be changed to "There's more to life than being really, really, really ridiculously good-looking", now do you? Come on. There's a difference between having fun on the field and having some hilarious antics and changing your legal last name to reflect on your uniform.
He might as well write "I am stupid" on the back. Does the same thing.
NFL SEASON STARTS TOMORROW!!!!!!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Let's play Catch Up a Bit
Okay, so I'm really sorry that I haven't updated this thing in a while. It has been a crazy couple months between my two jobs, internship, trying to scope out the whole "buying a house" thing, traveling, keeping up with my suffering social life, and other craziness. I'm not sure what I really hope to achieve with this entry, but I have a lot of catching up to do in terms of that.
First things first:

BOSTON CELTICS: 2008 NBA CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!
Seriously, does it get any better than this? Remember the picture I posted a couple months ago with me in the pool with my Celtics Shirt on? I totally went out and bought a new one and I have to rock it from now on. This battle of Good v. Evil rocked my face off. Finally, everyone can start to understand and see that a team of one or two players does not make a championship team. Kobe may be good, but he did not have the support he needed to win this one. I am so excited that Boston is enthusiastic again about the Celtics, and these guys earned every INCH. I love Paul Pierce. He has stuck with the Celtics through a lot of bad times and no love from the fans, and all his dedication and hard work finally paid off. I was so happy that he won the MVP; he deserves that so badly. He could teach Johnny Damon a few things about loyalty, and these guys earned it. GO GREEN!!!!!!!
Second, I have to quickly address the whole Brett Favre issue. What is with this guy? I like Brett Favre, don't get me wrong. He's one of the best QB's of all time and he's overcome a lot of obstacles in his life. He did such a great job with Green Bay last year, almost making it to the Super Bowl, and I just think he's a real stand-up guy. But what is with his retirement thing? Aren't most people EXCITED to retire? My father had a count-down going for about 3 years to his retirement, so what's up with old Bretty Boy?
Luckily, the whole thing has to come to an end by training camp time, or so Green Bay officials say. Do they release Favre and maybe risk him going to another team, or do they hold on to him, forcing him to ride the pine pony or actually retire? If Green Bay was smart, they'd hold on to him like crazy. Talks have been going on in terms of Brett being released and going to Carolina or Washington, which would be a good move by either club....something neither club is known for doing. I was talking to my mom last night, and she mentioned Brett maybe being wanted in Tampa Bay. Yeah, Tampa Bay, Carolina, Washington, MINNESOTA (if he went anywhere, is it bad to say I'd love to see him to go the Vikings? Jackson? Really? How is he actually in the NFL? REALLY?), Oakland, New York (Jets), Arizona, Atlanta and Houston would all probably trade some of their decent guys for a change at getting Favre. Green Bay is even talking about taking trading a first-round pick for the guy.
My advice to Brett is to just run. The pressure is going to be so crazy if he is released and goes to another team. He's going to expect to show up at the franchise, turn the WHOLE program around and at least get them to the playoffs. If he does it, great, he did his job.....but if he doesn't, he'll end his career on a low note. He almost got Green Bay to the Super Bowl this past year; that's the time to walk away.
Finally, and I know this isn't really much of an entry......I may have to do one every day to catch up on what has happened....I would just like to post the commercial that I am currently addicted to, and have been for the past few months. It's a Nike Sparq training commercial, and it's about a one-minute montage of people working out/training hard/trying to kick some butt...and it inspires me. It reminds me of my swimming days when we would have to do things outside of the pool...like crazy runs, crazy medicine ball drills, and ridiculous reflex training. Saul Williams does the song and it's called "List of Demands", and I am telling you.....when you're mid-run, mid-lifting, or mid-punishing yourself, it is one heck of a song to come on your iPod. Saul Williams's other stuff is pretty amazing, too. He does a great version of U2 "Sunday, Bloody Sunday". Definitely check him out. Oh, and check out the cool guys around the 0:49 mark. Johns Hopkins Lacrosse representin'!
My better. Is better than your better.
